Munchers of Hard Tack
or
Jordan is a Hard Road to Travel
Ritual of the Second Degree
G.M.: Grand Lord High Dog Catcher, you will again retire to the
dog pound, and present the candidate to this chair to receive the second degree.
1888
The Grand Lord High Dog Catcher retires to the dog pound and trots in the
candidate before the Grand Muncher.
G.L.H.D.C.: Grand Muncher, I present you this candidate who is
desirous of receiving the second degree.
G.M.: Are you willing to still further explore the mysteries of
our noble Order?
Candidate answers: I am.
G.M.: You will then be conducted to the dog pound, and after being
duly prepared, returned to the lodge for further instructions.
The Grand Lord High Dog Catcher will conduct the candidate to the dog pound,
and prepare him by divesting him of his coat, tying his hands behind his back,
and blindfolding him, after which, he re-enters with the candidate and marches
him before the Grand Muncher.
G.L.H.D.C.: I again place this son of a gun before you, who is
desirous of receiving the second degree of our noble Order.
G.M.: You son of a gun, prepare to bid farewell to all you love in
this world. I will allow you two minutes for silent reflection and meditation in
which to fully make up your mind, and in order that you may have the full
benefit of this time for reflection, I command the Munchers to maintain perfect
silence so that you may not be in the least disturbed.
G.M.: After mature reflection; have you fully made up your mind to
proceed?
Candidate answers: I have.
G.M.: 'Tis well, I will now, before proceeding further, inform you
of the objects of this degree.
The main object is to keep our Munchers pure and undefiled. The Munchers
unknown to you, have quite frequently noticed your peculiar actions on the
street, and especially while in the presence of the gentler sex, and having
become thoroughly convinced what your weakness is, the Grand Surgical Council of
the lodge, after careful consideration and due deliberation; have reluctantly
concluded to apply the remedy. Grand Surgeon, have you the surgical instruments
ready.
G.S.: Worthy Grand Muncher, I will have them in good shape and all
ready in a few minutes. The saw needs filing and the knives are dull and rusty.
G.M.: That makes no difference it they are, you have strong arms
and the walls of our lodge room are thick so that his cries and lamentations
cannot be heard by the profane outside world. Are you ready?
G.B., in a loud sepulchral voice: All is ready.
The candidate will be conducted to the altar, where a large … will be
fastened upon him.
G.M.: The Grand Lord High Dog Catcher will present the candidate
to the Grand Vice Muncher.
G.L.H.D.C.: Grand Vice Muncher, by order of the Grand Muncher, I
present you this candidate for advice.
G.V.M.: Since you stand before me in a condition that you would be
ashamed to appear upon the sheets, and having lost all respect for yourself, I
am compelled to say that you are the worst looking son of a gun that I have ever
seen, and I advise you to change your ways
before you leave this hall, and I pledge you my word and honor that if you do
not do so, I will not be responsible for the result. Do not struggle or make any
unnecessary noise while the operation is being performed and as you love your
friends, home and native land, I
beseech you to take heed; I have spoken. Grand Lord High Dog Catcher you will
present the candidate to the Grand Assistant Muncher who will duly prepare him
tor the operation.
G.L.H.D.C.: Grand Assistant Muncher, by order of the Grand Vice
Muncher I present you this candidate to be properly prepared tor the operation.
G.A.M.: I see by your condition that you will be unable to do that
which will be required of you before you can be accepted into full membership. I
must, therefore, give you some advice. I admonish you to keep perfectly cool. Do
not become unnecessarily excited, but keep your passions within due bonds and
keep aloof from the fair sex, for it is written that who so listeneth to a
whorish woman and goeth after her, the same shall be unclean. Can a man touch
that which is unclean and not be defiled? Can he touch the fire and not be
burned? Listen not to the strange woman who standeth on the street, for her ways
are ways of fornication. With this wholesome advice I bid you farewell. Journey
on, my dear brother, and may the stars above protect you. The Grand Lord High
Dog Catcher will present you to the Grand Past Muncher
for the final instructions.
G.L.H.D.C.: Grand Past Muncher, by command of the Grand Assistant
Muncher, I present you this candidate for the final instructions.
G.P.M.: Before, proceeding further it will be necessary for you to
take upon yourself another obligation pertaining to this degree. Are you willing
to proceed?
Candidate answers: I am.
G.P.M.: The Grand Lord High Dog Catcher will place the candidate
in the proper position.
The candidate will be ordered to stand erect and place his left hand on his
left rump and his right hand on his head, when the G.L.H.D.C. will say:
G.L.H.D.C.: Grand Past Muncher, the candidate is in proper
position.
G.P.M.: You will repeat after me, using your name where I use
mine, the obligation of this degree:
I, …, do most solemnly promise that I will not reveal any of the secrets of
this degree that may be entrusted to my sacred keeping, and I hereby authorize
any Muncher to watch me, and if they catch me at any time, or in any place,
divulging any of the secrets of this degree, they may report me to the Grand
Muncher; to all or which I most solemnly promise, binding myself under a no less
penalty than that of having my … blackened with coal soot and my head
shampooed with rotten eggs, should I ever be guilty of violating this my solemn
obligation.
A chair will be placed in front of the candidate upon which has previously
been placed a new … partially filled with water, with a beer mug by its side.
Several of the Munchers will then take hold of him and pretend to open his
pants, at the same time, pulling the cork from the … and letting the water
drop in the chamber, or a rubber syringe can be used.
G.M.: It is finished.
Members respond in unison: He is ….
G.P.M.: The work is done. You have succeeded in … while having a
…, a feat, seldom ever accomplished by mortal man. Having accomplished this
difficult feat you are now entitled to all the privileges and benefits, of this
degree. I implore you to remember how you accomplished this remarkable feat, as
it may come handy to you in the future. Remove the hoodwink.
G.P.M.: Now behold what you have done. Do you not feel ashamed of
yourself. If you are ever caught doing so again, woe be unto you. You will now
be conducted by the Grand Lord High Dog Catcher to the dog pound to be duly
prepared and in due time returned to the Lodge to receive the third
degree.
The G.L.H.D.C. returns, to the Lodge room.