Munchers of Hard Tack
or
Jordan is a Hard Road to Travel
Ritual of the Second Degree


 
1888


G.M.: Grand Lord High Dog Catcher, you will again retire to the dog pound, and present the candidate to this chair to receive the second degree.
The Grand Lord High Dog Catcher retires to the dog pound and trots in the candidate before the Grand Muncher.
G.L.H.D.C.:
Grand Muncher, I present you this candidate who is desirous of receiving the second degree.
G.M.:
Are you willing to still further explore the mysteries of our noble Order?
Candidate answers:
I am.
G.M.:
You will then be conducted to the dog pound, and after being duly prepared, returned to the lodge for further instructions.
The Grand Lord High Dog Catcher will conduct the candidate to the dog pound, and prepare him by divesting him of his coat, tying his hands behind his back, and blindfolding him, after which, he re-enters with the candidate and marches him before the Grand Muncher.
G.L.H.D.C.:
I again place this son of a gun before you, who is desirous of receiving the second degree of our noble Order.
G.M.:
You son of a gun, prepare to bid farewell to all you love in this world. I will allow you two minutes for silent reflection and meditation in which to fully make up your mind, and in order that you may have the full benefit of this time for reflection, I command the Munchers to maintain perfect silence so that you may not be in the least disturbed.
G.M.:
After mature reflection; have you fully made up your mind to proceed?
Candidate answers:
I have.
G.M.:
'Tis well, I will now, before proceeding further, inform you of the objects of this degree.
The main object is to keep our Munchers pure and undefiled. The Munchers unknown to you, have quite frequently noticed your peculiar actions on the street, and especially while in the presence of the gentler sex, and having become thoroughly convinced what your weakness is, the Grand Surgical Council of the lodge, after careful consideration and due deliberation; have reluctantly concluded to apply the remedy. Grand Surgeon, have you the surgical instruments ready.
G.S.:
Worthy Grand Muncher, I will have them in good shape and all ready in a few minutes. The saw needs filing and the knives are dull and rusty.
G.M.:
That makes no difference it they are, you have strong arms and the walls of our lodge room are thick so that his cries and lamentations cannot be heard by the profane outside world. Are you ready?
G.B., in a loud sepulchral voice:
All is ready.
The candidate will be conducted to the altar, where a large will be fastened upon him.
G.M.:
The Grand Lord High Dog Catcher will present the candidate to the Grand Vice Muncher.
G.L.H.D.C.:
Grand Vice Muncher, by order of the Grand Muncher, I present you this candidate for advice.
G.V.M.:
Since you stand before me in a condition that you would be ashamed to appear upon the sheets, and having lost all respect for yourself, I am compelled to say that you are the worst looking son of a gun that I have ever seen, and I advise you to change your ways
before you leave this hall, and I pledge you my word and honor that if you do not do so, I will not be responsible for the result. Do not struggle or make any unnecessary noise while the operation is being performed and as you love your friends, home and native land, I
beseech you to take heed; I have spoken. Grand Lord High Dog Catcher you will present the candidate to the Grand Assistant Muncher who will duly prepare him tor the operation.
G.L.H.D.C.:
Grand Assistant Muncher, by order of the Grand Vice Muncher I present you this candidate to be properly prepared tor the operation.
G.A.M.:
I see by your condition that you will be unable to do that which will be required of you before you can be accepted into full membership. I must, therefore, give you some advice. I admonish you to keep perfectly cool. Do not become unnecessarily excited, but keep your passions within due bonds and keep aloof from the fair sex, for it is written that who so listeneth to a whorish woman and goeth after her, the same shall be unclean. Can a man touch that which is unclean and not be defiled? Can he touch the fire and not be burned? Listen not to the strange woman who standeth on the street, for her ways are ways of fornication. With this wholesome advice I bid you farewell. Journey on, my dear brother, and may the stars above protect you. The Grand Lord High Dog Catcher will present you to the Grand Past Muncher
for the final instructions.
G.L.H.D.C.:
Grand Past Muncher, by command of the Grand Assistant Muncher, I present you this candidate for the final instructions.
G.P.M.:
Before, proceeding further it will be necessary for you to take upon yourself another obligation pertaining to this degree. Are you willing to proceed?
Candidate answers:
I am.
G.P.M.:
The Grand Lord High Dog Catcher will place the candidate in the proper position.
The candidate will be ordered to stand erect and place his left hand on his left rump and his right hand on his head, when the G.L.H.D.C. will say:
G.L.H.D.C.:
Grand Past Muncher, the candidate is in proper position.
G.P.M.:
You will repeat after me, using your name where I use mine, the obligation of this degree:
I, , do most solemnly promise that I will not reveal any of the secrets of this degree that may be entrusted to my sacred keeping, and I hereby authorize any Muncher to watch me, and if they catch me at any time, or in any place, divulging any of the secrets of this degree, they may report me to the Grand Muncher; to all or which I most solemnly promise, binding myself under a no less penalty than that of having my blackened with coal soot and my head shampooed with rotten eggs, should I ever be guilty of violating this my solemn obligation.
A chair will be placed in front of the candidate upon which has previously been placed a new partially filled with water, with a beer mug by its side. Several of the Munchers will then take hold of him and pretend to open his pants, at the same time, pulling the cork from the and letting the water drop in the chamber, or a rubber syringe can be used.
G.M.:
It is finished.
Members respond in unison:
He is .
G.P.M.:
The work is done. You have succeeded in while having a , a feat, seldom ever accomplished by mortal man. Having accomplished this difficult feat you are now entitled to all the privileges and benefits, of this degree. I implore you to remember how you accomplished this remarkable feat, as it may come handy to you in the future. Remove the hoodwink.
G.P.M.:
Now behold what you have done. Do you not feel ashamed of yourself. If you are ever caught doing so again, woe be unto you. You will now be conducted by the Grand Lord High Dog Catcher to the dog pound to be duly prepared and in due time returned to the Lodge to receive the third degree.
The G.L.H.D.C. returns, to the Lodge room.


Home